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Holy shit, Jen. When did you have this kid? When you were 15? Is my character secretly a pedophile or something? Oh, I get it. Or I'm simply too young for this role and making up for it by being as hammy and over the top as possible.
Holy fuck, is that true? Both, but listen. That request sounds oddly suspicious Wait, do you actually like me or are you just stringing me along until you and Christian can find a way to get from under my thumb? You honestly think an experienced con-woman such as myself would really try to con you, a moronic law man?
Good boy. Now I have to drop a major sea pickle so you might want to clear the splash zone. Fucking Christ, Bradley! Why would you bring Amy here? Ugh, you are going to get me killed! Okay, I think I can still pull this off, just so long as none of these Italian mobsters know how to speak Arabic.
Why would we do that? You just won't give him a divorce because you're bitter and possessive! Jennifer, is your lipstick made out of jelly donut filling or something? I love you, Amy. Now that I have told you this you are obligated to inhale my penis. Duh, Amy. Next thing you'll tell me you're really Isla Fisher! Oh my God! Because I care about Christian I guess. But mostly because the real life person my character is based on had all of jack shit to do with this entire plot in the true story.
Well I guess I better force myself on you now. Allow me to disarm you with my rape roar. Christian, I have a plan to nab Robert De Niro. Can you clear that kind of huge money transfer with your boss Louis C. That traitorous rat-bastard! Now the best thing to do would be to go pick him up in broad daylight and try to murder him in a car most likely connected to me while also sitting in the car right next to him and parked on a busy street also in broad daylight!
Because this movie doesn't have the balls to inject any sense of real danger into the story so you were able to simply talk murderous thugs out of killing you dead. And apparently I took an extra 30 minutes to get home because I stopped to fix my come-over.
I mean seriously, this thing should be completely wrecked by this point. Hey Jen, why are you wearing a bib? I still have plenty more scenery to chew and I didn't want to get any on my Vera Wang blouse. So are you going to admit you fucked up royally by opening your big stupid mouth and nearly getting me killed or will you learn nothing and continue being a mean spoiled jackass?
That second one. And honestly, the fact you expect anything different from me really nasals my voice. I get very excited. I think that we have a lot of potential here. Now, look. I came up with the idea. It's all from me. I want to change things. I want to go after white collar crime. Irving, you're very skilled. And I want you to teach me and we can do this.
I want four people that do what you do. Fraudulent investments. Fake certificates of deposit. Stolen art, fake art. You get me four people and you're off the hook. We don't have to testify? Anything you want. But if you run, then your life is over. You'll be hunted, and it's gonna be very difficult for Rosalyn and your kid to live in this country.
Sydney has finally changed her clothing from when she wore the same dress at the holding cell. It is quiet in the apartment - faint street noise from 3rd Avenue below. We need to run and we need to do it now. We can go to Estonia or Romania, I don't care, we'll take the cash from the bed and get out of here, alright? We talked about it a hundred times. Irv stares at her and struggles.
I gave him my name! I'm not leaving him with Rosalyn, she's unstable! Rosalyn's will never let you go. She'll use Danny against you because she's too messed up to let you leave. I love him. He's my son. What, the cop?
Your on a first name basis with him? I'm not even on your list am I? Your short list. Your long list. I'm not even on anyone of your fucking lists. I thought you loved me. I thought we had something. I love you, it's perfect! What are you saying? We're gonna go to Romania? We're gonna take Danny? Yes, that's what I'm saying. You, me, Danny. We're us, and we can make it an adventure like we did. We can make it an adventure like we make everything, alright? But we have to go now. We have to leave right now.
I'll lose custody. We have to leave! Oh my god. Sydney goes storming out of the room and down the hall of her apartment. Irving follows. You are bullshit. We are bullshit. She starts sobbing, shaking. I love you. Please don't say this. Irv walks to her and bends down to join her on the floor as she sobs. Not just me, but us. And I'm gonna get really close with Richie, the cop, in case we need to use him, if we need another move. We need four busts, and we're done.
And you're going to be thanking me. And I'm gonna take all of that heartbreak, and all of that sorrow, and I am going to use it. Sydney reaches over and carefully grabs Irving's face lovingly which quickly turns into a slap as she continues on. Irving stares at Sydney with confusion.
He's never seen her like this before. From the feet up right -- baby? Sydney gets up from the couch and storms back to her room. And you're right -- I'm in no state to deal with this so what's it gonna be, Mister Mastermind? Why do we need an 69 Arab Sheik? Last I checked he's in control here and we work for him now so be nice. Richie stares at Edith elated that she just stuck up for him. He's really enjoying this position of power she's putting him in.
In order to attract the bees, we need to offer them a wealthy individual who can be taken advantage of, someone special, someone new, someone amazing. Richie looks at Irving uncertain. I wait for him to call me. The art world is a small world -- and one of Elway's acquaintances is clocking us right now.
Richie starts to look around. Richie stares, impressed. This Rembrandt here? People come from all over the world to see this. That's impossible. Cause the guy who made this was so good that it's real to everybody. Now whose the master -- the painter or the forger? Not black and white as you say.
Extremely grey. You can't meet the sheik, alright? Edith sees this and steps into the conversation. We've met before. We're advising the Sheik together. She looks at Richie. Richie offers his hand. Why you leaving me out of this? I gotta hear about it from my friends? We gotta do certificates of deposit. I can print as many as you need.
What are you talking about Irving? The camera zooms into Irving's shirt collar revealing a tiny microphone. Carl Elway can do what he says he's going to do. I've got a meeting with my associates. He's got a meeting he's got to go to. Don't go anywhere. Irving gets up to walk out as Richie and Edith stand in the doorway. Crazy thing about people -- the more you say no, the more they want in on somethin.
It is so stupid. Irving looks over at Richie and Edith. Hey you know what Carl just told me? He said he could do this whole thing with four guys within a week. Richie jumps into the conversation. My guy deals with hundreds of millions of dollars. How much bigger? He walks over to Carl. Hundreds of millions of dollars? Like much bigger. Like I'm talking about we say never the fuck mind the CD's and we could have some complete access to something huge.
Like what? The rebuilding of Atlantic City. Irving interjects. I know the right people who are going to help you out. Carmine Polito, no. My boss Stoddard proceeded to tell me that Carmine Polito was the most quietly powerful person in the state of New Jersey. A lifetime native of the very racially mixed Camden, which had become a ghetto, and where he had been Mayor for ten years.
A very beloved guy. A guy who never gave up on his people. His father had emigrated from Italy and had stoked coal. A big family guy with five kids. They even adopted some other kid. A black kid from the Boys and Girls Club who'd lost his family. I mean, his household was a joyous place. And his wife Dolly, she was the apple of his eye and the center of the household. I mean everyone loved this guy. And he had a huge heart. Why can't we employ people today to do work like this in rebuilding Atlantic City?
He worked with all the unions. He was the leader of the State Assembly. And he had just gotten gambling legalized in New Jersey to create jobs. But he couldn't get the funds to rebuild Atlantic City and that was his problem. So with our help, he was about to have his hand in the wrong pocket at the wrong time. We're not going after some politician. This is a bad idea, Richard. Look, it's really simple.
Two million dollars under the Sheik's name, in a Chase account that we control. Carmine calls up on the telephone -- calls the bank -- and he sees that the Sheik is real and he has a real account. Five days. Richie as he stares at Stoddard in frustration. That's my dream. Don't smother it, please.
I really do. You know I'm from Michigan, right? Let me tell you a story about me, and my dad, and my brother. We used to go ice fishing every November. Ice Fishing. That's what we lived for. It's beautiful. You have a little stove. You huddle around, you keep each other warm. You drop a line and you just wait. One year my brother says, "let's go in October. My dad says, "No, the ice is too thin. You're saying your brother went out on the ice, the ice was too thin, he fell through the ice, he went in the water because he was too eager, and you're saying I'm too eager -- that's what you're saying?
For now, no Carmine Polito. Go do your job. Richie looks at him annoyed and upset. Stoddard shot the whole thing down. A woman I'd never heard of. Way back in a warren buried in the Bureau. This cat lady nobody even talked to. Edith met her in the ladies room and became friends with her. This lady handled all the wires and now, she was working with us. It was beautiful. And I brought you some tea as well. Nobody ever tells me about these operations, they just say, "Brenda, do the clerical wiring work and don't ask questions.
He loves them. Brenda starts pointing out pictures of all her cats tacked to the walls amidst the wire memos and paperwork. And that's Wendy. She's a rascal. But Barnaby, that's another story. Barnaby plays the piano! It'd be there for five days and if Polito called he'd see that the Sheik was real. So before he even knew it was happening his boss was calling to congratulate him.
That was very smart. The Sheik with the money in the bank is a fantastic Anthony Amado. He was the U. Attorney, and he had a major hard- on to make a name for himself. I mean this guy loved the idea of being famous. And Stoddard had to say it was his own idea or he'd look stupid in front of his boss. Something that I didn't approve! There's imaginative things happening in this office, alright?
We're not just working in a box. Richie leaves triumphant. I liked being on this side of the line. But someone had been left out. I got you Carl Elway. He bought stolen art, sold fake bank C. That's one. I get you three more -- no politicians.
Richie and Edith look at him. You work for me. You're gettin' a little power drunk, Richard. You want to wake him up? You know I said that. So now I support Richie. He's got vision. Do it heavy or don't do it. And you're gonna shit all over politicians again?
And just because you want to be a big shot and get a promotion. This is gonna be fantastic. We're doing video surveillance. I'm doing this from the feet up. I'm like the fuckin' Vietcong, man. I'm in and I'm out. I was there the whole time -- you don't know it. That's the fucking art of becoming somebody who people can pin their beliefs and their dreams on.
And you can't do it. Come on! We don't have a budget for that Irving! He's gotta feel like he's out of his league. What you're offering, this deal, I mean, this is unheard of in the state of New Jersey, maybe even the whole fucking country. A sheik with hundreds of millions of dollars to rebuild Atlantic City -- are you fuckin' kidding me?
That's gigantic. And the Mayor, he's going to want to see cash, he's going to want to see it in an account, he's going to want to see it right now, and he will check. And that's why this meeting isn't happening, because to get millions, you need millions. Edith listens intently. Irv studies Richie and Edith. You did that without me? Are you kidding me? Are we doing this? Or you playing him?
It'd be very bad for you if you're playing me. You're wild. You know we're taking down a very important politician. Richie stands very close to Edith - between her legs as she sits on the counter. He puts his hands on her hips, pulls her into him. He takes her hand -- puts it on his face, makes her feel his cheek and forehead with her hand.
It is intense. She prepares for him to kiss her but he steps back. They are both excited. They stare at each other. The air is thick with tension, Richie exhales and leaves. Mayor -- Please stop. Listen, I apologize if that prick offended you.
I really apologize. Carmine will not turn around -- Irving catches up. I'm okay. I'm fucking embarrassed to be associated with that guy at all. Can I just say somethin' to you, please? Don't lose this opportunity to fuckin' Florida -- all right? Don't lose that opportunity. Grand Concourse, Hundred and Sixty-fourth Street. I go to Tomaso's on Arthur Avenue. You know Tomasos's? They're always good. I haven't been there in a while. I like that place.
You know, Carmine -- catches his breath My fuckin' heart's going from running down the stairs -- I'm not used to running. There's a lotta green grass in that hotel room up there, alright? And all the deals would float through you. You get a serious piece on both ends. You do with that what you will.
I live in the real world, I am a family man, I got mouths to feed and everything. But, you know, we just No middlemen, no bullshit. It's the Arab way. It's a great opportunity. It's just I got a little thrown by going to have a meeting with somebody who ended up not being there, so -- I'll deal with you directly. I don't want any middleman or any of that bullshit. Eye to eye. We can do business together. Irv smiles and nods as they walk back into the hotel together. You work with this guy before?
He's the Sheik's man. Without me?! I can't make him like you. I did my job. That I'm the Sheik's associate?! I mean, let him have a night out with a human being for fuck's sake, he's going to jail soon. You're done with him. You got him on tape taking a bribe. We're gonna use Carmine to get other people, that's what we're gonna do. Like who?! Whoever the Sheik pays off for licenses and casinos, that's who we're gonna go after. We're gonna go after all of 'em!
You realize how fuckin' dangerous that is? There's no fucking reasoning with you. You are takin' us to a very fucking dangerous place, with very serious numbers! Taking orders from me. Your fucking wife? Did I just hear you correctly? I take Rosalyn out, she keeps her mouth shut, she sees that my work is legitimate, I get to keep my kid, and I get to keep pointing at Richie that fucking wife happy. Both wives happy. What are you doing? Don't eat in the bathroom, I told you so many times!
And Diane brought Napoleons for dessert. Come out of the bathroom and pray! It's a problem. When you don't do the filter right all the fish die. Sit down and pray properly! Irving's out with Carmine. You must not feel so good about that. Richard, sit down!
Who are you with? You're engaged. The fish filter is broken! Richard, do something about the fish tank. Everybody thought, "Oh, Richie DiMaso's gonna stay in the office, pushing papers. I'm outside in the field. I got people working for me. My ideas. I'm running the show. I'm the quarterback. And I'm not gonna settle for no one, Mom. Irv and Rosalyn Rosenfeld get out of his green Cadillac.
CUT TO: The chicken very thin. With the red sauce, the lemon-- Dolly kisses Carmine as he gives his wife's leg a squeeze and kisses her cheek, then her mouth. Irv and Rosalyn squeeze hands on the table. She pulls away awkwardly, waiter refills her glass which she throws back right away.
They all drink. I think Jesus said that as well. I know that sounds crazy, but I can't get enough of it. Dolly laughs. It's true. Dolly, historically the best perfumes in the world, they're all laced with something nasty and foul. It's true! She puts it under Irv's nose as he talks to Carmine, he sniffs, closes his eyes, nods without even looking. He can't get enough of them. Rotten and delicious. She leans across the table and puts them under Carmine's nose. It's coriander for me.
He can't get enough. That's what hooks you. He always comes back for it. I'm not this drunk. Irving please don't make me go, I was just starting to have fun! Edith dressed in tight Halston dress, hair flows huge all round her; walks with Richie, who is waiting in a white gray suit with a white disco collar outside the lapel, chains around his neck.
I was just teasing you. How did my life become this? You ever think that? And you wonder, am I ever gonna get to a better place or is this it? You ever feel like that? Edith stares, nods yes. I definitely know that. Edith nods puts a hand on his face. We can go have coffee or talk or something. Please, I need to go dancing with you. Richie reaches down and squeezes her hand. I want to live, alright. For real. No more fake shit. She get's real close to his face, almost about to kiss.
That's when we fuck. Not till then, ok? Are you gonna fuck for real or get out of the stall for real? The girl outside the stall bangs on the door. You know what he's gonna do? He's gonna bring the Sheik to Atlantic City, where we can rebuild all those resorts there, put everybody back to work. Irving stares and is moved by this. Tears come to his eyes, he feels bad about it all suddenly.
Isn't that right? You understand that? You know what that means? Carmine sits down on the couch next to Irving. He's got a big heart. Of course it's going to work out. Guys like you and me? We dream and we build. We never give up. We never quit. Irving looks flummoxed. They look at each other. Irv isn't sure what to say. To see the people of Camden. The people I serve. The people I love. Who are mostly black and Puerto Rican. I really want him to see how good this is going to be for the community, how ready we are for this opportunity, and he can see how far his dollar will go.
You know what I mean? What do you think? He can see Camden. Let's get out of here. The girls are going to kill us I'm sure. It heats up everything. Pasta, lasagna, meatballs, whatever. That's how it heats up the food. It's scientific. A new friend. Irv is touched. He sees it is a sincere gift from Carmine, because Carmine likes him; not cynical in any way. Come on, let's get out of here. I need a jet at Teeterboro. Let him walk to the curb at JFK.
You got to do it from the feet up. What's that mean? It means you gotta be committed to something in your life, for Christ's sake. I want a jet at Teterboro for the Sheik. It can be a small jet. It doesn't even have to take off, cause I know you're so worried about how much money the Bureau's gonna fucking spend. It can take off and land on the tarmac, okay?
He was holding a lantern, and it was in the blizzard and I knew he was gonna be angry. So I went to intercept my father because I knew if he saw what my brother was doing he was going to kill him. Richie cuts him off. Is that what the story's about? About protection? Richie walks out the door. I'll do whatever I want. She puts the tin foil lasagna into microwave. After a few moments it sparks, explodes into flames.
That one's empty! We gotta use the big one! Why did you do that for? Just get another one. I want the one that Carmine gave me. You want to be more like Carmine? Why don't you build something like he does, instead of all your empty deals that are just like your fucking science oven.
You know I read that it takes all of the nutrition out of our food. It's empty, just like your deals. Empty, empty! I read it in an article. Look, by Paul Brodeur. Thank God for me. Ros stares defiantly, clicks her nails on the counter. A small airport. Irv stands alone, staring at Edith and Richie kissing. Richie, in long full length fleece lined suede coat, walks over towards where Carmine stands. You look beautiful by the way. Don't look at my legs, don't look at my hair, don't smell my hair, don't ask me how I am, don't talk to me outside of these roles, 'cause we're done.
Get under the umbrella. It's just that Carmine wants Rosalyn to come. You weren't listening. I don't care if Rosalyn comes. Just do your job, okay? You're nothing to me until you're everything. I'm not Rosalyn. I'm not gonna put up with that shit. They walk towards the Jet and walk on leaving Carmine and Edith waiting outside. Irv nods to Paco and the other agents. He's--wait, he's not a real Arab. I'm Mexican. From Tuscon.
Where's Al from Queens? Where is he? Abdullah Ahmed. That's all you got? Irving isn't sure, looks Paco up and down. That's it. Like you can barely understand English. You can't speak it. You say as little as possible. You follow my lead. I thought you were running it. He's the guy with the vision. You know what vision I had? You just kissing my girl outside. That's what vision I had. I'm giving you a compliment.
Irving takes a expensive looking ceremonial knife out of his jacket pocket and holds it out to Paco. This is for the Mayor. You've got to present it to him. Look me in the eye. This means a lot to you. That knife. You present it. You gotta feel it. Can you do it? That's what makes this guy a genius.
You compliment me again. What is this, rubbing salt in the wound? Irving stares incredulously. What do you care? You're Mexican. Irv and Richie exit the plane walking slightly behind the "sheik" and his "bodyguards" - the sheik in the front. I know that was redundant. I'm sorry. I'm just very nervous. I just did my hair and makeup and everything!
It's international cultural protocol. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't know a Robert Spencer. What do you want? Ros leaves the room. They're bodyguards for the Sheik. I'm in charge here, alright? Just do it. But she was on it. She heard. Don't call at home. Rosalyn looks at him. Like a tax investigation? I mean, that's why I can't invite you. It's too complicated. Listen, come on. Irving opens the fridge which is a mess. I mean, what are you causing trouble for all the time?
We were just talking about you. Want to tell him yourself? Tell him yourself. She hands the phone to a very exasperated, anxious, Irv.
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